This is so complicated.

After my break-up, sabi ko di muna ako makikipag-relasyon and im doin a great job at that kc for the first time , naging masaya ako na single which i never thought would happen kc all my life, kaylangan meron akong boylet. pero now, mas masarap palang maging single tpos meron lang isang guy na nagbibigay sayo lahat ng physical needs mo (bwahahaha, hugs and whole body massages ang ibig kong sabihin hindi seks. malaswa mag-isip!)

Remember my >>BESTBUDDY<<. Yung lalake na me potential na maging fuck-buddy ko. Netong holy week, siempre walang pasok so naisipan namin na lumabas. (We're not catholic so ok lang, Im agnostic and he's demonic. choze!) and we had so much fun. pero wala parin nanyari, (waaaaahhh)

Anyway, the thing is, ayaw ko sana mainvolved with someone since me plano na nga ako umalis ng country, pero sha parang he wants to get real with me. ilang beses nia ako tinanong kung iiwanan ko ba sha or kung anu ba talaga. he's a great guy and recently. hindi na sha mawala sa isip ko pero maraming bagay na kaylangan i-consider

• He's young 21, and when he lost his mom, parang hirap shang makarecover samantalang ang tagal na nun, guilty kc ang mokong. before his mom died, kinausap sha sa phone kc gus2 ni mommy na makita sha. ang gago natakot or siguro ayaw nia lang makita na nsa ganun lagay mommy nia kaya hindi na nia ito naabutan. anu koneksyon? he's such a baby, and he's somehow looking for a mother's attention. Alam ko 49 nako so pede nako maging mommy pero sus ang laking damulag na nia noh. (he's now my BABY D, baby damulag)
• I wont be stayin here. When my ex wanted us to be together, sabi ko hindi nako makikipagbalikan sha kanya. etong namang si Baby D. natakot, baka daw ganun din gawin ko sa kanya, baka daw pagnakuha kona yung gus2 ko sa kanya eh iwan ko na rin sha bigla. thing is. iba nman nanyari samin nun ex ko, mutual decision yun na maghiwalay kmi, (choze actually sha nakipagbreak sakin) but we remained friends at recently nga eh parang nagpapahiwatig ulit. pero dito kay baby D, i know eventually maghihiwalay kami kc i cant stay another year dito sa ating bansang pilipinas. Diniscourage pa nga ako nung loko na hindi nman ganun kadali makapag-abroad.
• He's bisexual to the real meaning of the term. Meron sha naging gf before but he knows he's also attracted to boys too. so ang hirap kc i have to compete not only with other girls but with boys and gays too. ( he's somewhat a magnet kc he's somehow gwapo and matangkad and maganda katawan. again somewhat and somehow poh, ibig sabihin not really, bwahahah) although he hasnt acted on that impulse and i honestly dont mind if he did. pero potah hindi ko matatanggap pag ginawa nia yun while im around. BTW> potah. he's not the first bisexual i've been with, he's the third. and dont get confused when i say bisexual. kc dito sa pinas yung mga baklang subrang malilibog na macho effect pero kung tutuusin mas malandi pa sa nympho eh BI daw sila, pero pakitaan mo ng pekpek at lahat masusuka, bwahahaha. He's not like that, hainan mo ng pekpek at kakantut**n nia yun.

Ok i have to admit cguro nga inlove nako sa kanya, kc he's sweet, affectionate at sinusubuan nia ako. (huwaaattt? anu >>>>>> anu ang isinusubo??)

Hirap neto. i know i wont be happy and i know i cant make him happy. basta! i know it wont work out.

San ako lulugar?