Faxel Lazer treatment

My Dermatologist wanted me to come for a procedure i didnt know was part of my treatment. She said just come in anyway it's free. It was scheduled last friday Feb 11, 2011. I went to the clinic not knowing what will be done to me. Her assistant put topical anesthesia on my face that had acne scars and waited for it to make its magic. 45 mins after later, they ask me to come in thinking it had numbed my face for the procedure. I used to have Laser genesis so i was kinda expecting it will just be the same hot light passing through my face, Boy i was wrong. The laser was like 3 hot needle sewing my face but for the love of beauty i endured everything. After the 30 min procedure. My face was swollen and throbbing but it wasnt red. The laser created small circle white burns kinda like bandage patterns and i find it cute. Doctor gave me a face mask and i went home with it and people were staring at me, thinking i must be sick or worse i may have aids or something. i could see them moving away from me. Hahaha.

I had work that night coz my request not to come to work was denied and i knew it, People would start asking me what happened to my face because at this point, It was all red and little small wounds were visible. I must have said "i had laser treatment " too many time i lost count.

One treatment costs PhP 15000 ($343) and i should have 3 treatments, Luckily for me. Everything was for free. Hahaha. That's what you get for being the model of Fraxel.

Swelling went down 24 hrs from the procedure but small whitehead looking breakouts are still visible. I think those are small fluid filled thingies expected from the micro wounds created by the laser. im using topical antibiotics now to help heal my face and to prevent infections but i had to admit, this healing process itches like a bitch.

ALL FOR THE LOVE OF BEAUTY!

i experienced my first bully

November 11 2009,

WHY THIS HATE?

i've noticed too many harsh and spiteful comments within trans community. bwahahah i mean. i know there are alot of jaded ladies and men out there but cmon, there are lots of people coming here to find solace, comfort or understanding. I just hope we create that kind of community as well. and for those who are thinking of saying that this is not a place to look for that kind of consolation, well its your right to say it so go on, I wont bitch about that bwahahahahha. and for those who hate me for no apparent reason. i know why you hate me now,. coz im rich, im sexy, im smart and i dont need to be a whore to feel wanted! wait i just did it, heheh too much hate~

This was a blog post i had that i should have remembered.

February 4 2011. Present Day

I was being friendly when this guy sent me an email asking me what's the point of being friends if we dont live in the same country. He even gave me an advice that i shouldnt try to be a woman since im ugly as one.

I said thanks for the advice and i tried to move on.

I must admit i really was hurt so i went to my girls to try to get some kind of support. thinking as a woman of trangender experience they would understand. I was wrong coz this woman affirmed his comment saying that as a lady boy, i am sure ugly.

All my life i was raised protected from the harsh realities of life although of course i wasnt spared from the subtle and constant discrimination that people of transgender experience face everyday but i still consider myself as lucky since i have my family and friends to protect, love and understand me. It was my first taste of bullies and i felt the pain. Now i couldnt imagine the life of those people who had to face these bullies on a daily basis. My heart goes out to them.

Now i learned my lesson.

"My being should not depend on how many people think im beautiful coz i should already know that i am!"