| http://www.myheritage.com |
Minsan mas gus2 ko na sleazy ang suot ko, Kc parang sobrang sexy and hot ng aura ko dahil alam ko na kayang kong magsuot ng skimpy clothes and i know na ako lang ang merong guts na gawin yun. Well sometimes a girl needs compliment like that, so para matanggal ang "MANANG" image. so HALA POKPOK custome ang drama ko. Nung ARAW ng PASKO! I wore a red laced body hugging blouse. Tpos biro ko pa nga na ang konti ng tao sa labas, Pano ako mababastos nian! Well i didnt go home in vain dahil me eksena na nangyari nung sumakay ako ng jeep. meron isang lalakeng spread out yung arms dun sa jeep. so hindi nko sumandal dahil nga nakaharang yung kamay nia sa sandalan. Mamayang konti naramdaman ko na medjo kinakalabit ako nung MAMA. So ako deadma lang kc bka nangangati lang yung kamay nia, pero napuna ko na nakadikit na yung kamay nia sa bewang ko, so usog lang ng konti ginawa ko, ABA ang puta, hinapit ako sa bewang. So hindi nko nakatiis. hinarap ko sha at sinaway. EKSENA GALORE! so medjo lumayo sha ng konti pero sandali lang pla yun kc bigla na nman nia ako kinalabit. sabay bulong sa batok ko na wag na daw akong magalit at sana hindi ko daw sha idemanda! AS IF~ pagaaksayahan ko sha ng panahon. Kung gwapo lang sna sha no! baka ako pa gumawa ng move para mapadikit sa kanya. PERO NO! ayoko sa matandang pangit na lasing!
Ang gulo ng mga pangyayari. Let's complicate things by letting emotions screw things up. Yung minahal ko eh inamin na hindi na sha masaya and he's going through a rough time. I wanted to comfort him pero alam ko na lalong magiging complicated lahat if i meddle with the situation. Of course the support will always be there pero sabi ko nga sa kanya na my ipinion should not be solicited dahil magiging biased ako. I feel bad that he is hurting pero at the back of my mind. I wanted to make him realize na he's better off with me. DREAM ON dhil friendship lang talaga ang kaya niang ibigay sakin. Ang gaga ko kc, bkit ba kc umaasa pako na meron something between us. pekpek tlaga oh~
After a very tiring and exhousting weeks of work, Naisip ko na i needed to do something to refresh my mind and my spirit, Buti nlang sabi sakin maganda nga daw ang happy feet. Eh lahat na ng kakilala ko eh napanood na yun, so no choice to ask somebody else to join me in watching that movie. Eh siempre to add happiness to that, gus2 ko lalake kasama ko manood. So dumating tong bago kong male friends and they agreed to watch that movie with me at the end of the work week. Ang kaso biglang merong mga important and urgent matters na kailangan nilang ayusin so hindi pede. I was so sad because of that pero merong isang tao na nagsabi na sasamahan daw nia akong manood nun eventhough napanood na nia yun. so happy na nman ako and siempre matutupad na rin yun pangarap ko na makasama ko sha, Ang kaso nung paalis na kmi biglang nagbago isip nia and ayaw na daw niang manood. PUTA~
The people that helped me stay afloat are all starting to leave me now. All of them who had touched me and who had made me believe and inspired me to hold on and never give up are all now going into different paths, All of them gave me something to remember them by. How they said goodbye was light as if things would'nt change but i know that it will. Though they promise that they will not lose contact with me, i know once they are settled in to their new accounts or new company. CLIO WILL JUST BE A GOOD MEMORY. This is sad but i kow i have to be happy for them and move on.
Ym, maganda past time. dami mong nakakusap and nakikilala. Matagal nako merong constant chatmate and masasabi ko na he's a good person. We talk alot and he's nice to me. He's a texan guy who loves to travel. he currently in dubai and he's planning to come to the phillipines this season or maybe next january. or course he wants to see me though i'm not sure if i will. but probably i would. but let me worry about that when he's already here.
Sarap mo KUYA~ pede na 2
I dont wanna notice other guys and i dont wanna feel to full of myself, pero whattaheck, minsan lang naman ako mag feeling-feelingan so pagbibigyan ko na sarili ko, There is this one guy na nakilala ko, although before medjo aloof ako sa kanya because di ko sha feel, He's goodlooking and i know he's a good catch but there's just no spark in him. but i notice simula nung nagkausap kmi and we really had a great time then eh he's always looking at me. Last week, we had the chance to talk coz he wanted to have a picture of me, Then i found out that he liked me before but decided that it's no use to like me since kala nia meron nko BF kc nga hindi nako dumidikit sa kanya. i wanted to prove his assumption wrong pero naisip ko, mas ok nayung ganun. (SAYANG!) And another thing that makes me so "FEELING" is this old playmate that i had. in the past weeks , wala kmi ginawa kundi mag bangayan at mag away. I informed him that i'm not appreciating the way he treats me kc nga 3 days nlang kmi magkita tpos lagi pa nia ako inaaway. he said sorry and he said that that's what he like about us, pra kaming mga bata kung magasaran and then parang wala lang, sweet as ever. The thing is, started to feel na he's mad at me. napapansin nia cguro na i dont have time to him anymore, busy daw ako lagi kakaemail kung kanikanino at lagi daw akong busy with other guys, he's happy daw that i'm starting to explore and go out more pero bigla na shang magagalit sakin. anyway so i started to change. di ako pumasok and i treated him as if he's just one of the agents sa floor, Well it worked. kc he became sweet towards me. he initiates simple things just to talk to me and for me to notice him again. One gesture that i really liked was when he was so concerned coz i only ate half a sandwich within my entire shift. And kanina while passing through the empty underpass ng ayala at 5:30 am. Bigla ko sha naalala and bigla ko sha naiisip. I miss him pero hanggang ganun na lang yun, HINDI PARIN AKO ENAMORED EH> FEELING FEELING LANG!
Daming nagbago, ang daming naganap. Minsan kaylangan talaga na sumabay sa agos kung hindi mapapagod ka lang na labanan ang winds of change. May mga pangyayaring mas gus2 mong kumain nlang ng palaka kesa sikmurain ang mga kalokohan at kagagahan ng iba. Isang gabi meron akong kaibigan na nagdrama at umiyak hanggang mangamatis ang mata at ilong niya. Laki ng baggage na dinadala nia at dahil dun pati ako napaisip, Ano ba ang mga baggage na dinadala ko. lam ko marami pa galing childhood. meron sha cnabi na nagstruck sa isip ko~ "Meron tao na mamahalin ako kung sino at ano ako" Magandang paniniwala pero kung tutuusin pag ang isang tao ay blinded with this mindset. pedeng hindi na nya napapansin ang mga faults nia. (EXACT CASE of my friend). Naisip ko rin if i'm gonna live up with that mindset. Can i love somebody like me? Pag inisip ko yun., siempre sasabihin ko oo dahil sweet naman ako malambing and sobrang understanding, pero bakit hanggang ngayon walang nakakarealize nun? well ako narin namn ang me kasalanan eh, i dont allow myself or anyone to know me and to spend time with me to realize that im lovable. Sabi nga ni PUMBA. last week sweet-sweetan pa kami, pero nag restday lang ako eh hindi ko na sha pinapansin and mas madalas inaaway ko pa sha. I wanna be exclusive kc, this time exclusive to myself. mahirap isipin na for somebody like me na lifelong dream eh magkaron ng lovelife eh magiging masaya na single nagyong pasko pero yun na nga cguro. anyway meron pa nman next year eh. Hahaha. Masasabi ko lang. LETSENG QA SCORE KC TO<>
Ilang araw nako wala maisulat ng maganda. at salamat meron akong nakitang pede isulat pero naisip ko ang korni nman nun. so eto nlang. ibinibigay ko sa inyo si mackoy. ang dream man ko~
-Have you ever thought that you were going to
marry a person?:
~ oo nman
-Have you ever loved someone so much that it
hurt?:~ laque
-Are you happier single or in a relationship?:
~ tinatanong pa ba yan?
-Have you ever been cheated on?:
~ hindi mashado, hindi nman kc yun cheating eh
-What is your favorite physical feature about the
opposite sex?:
~ height,eyes, chubbiness. lips nose and most importantly HANDS
-Have you ever had your heart broken?:
~ oo..madalas.
-Have you ever broken someone's heart?:
~ 1 lang pero di ko nman sha bf eh
-If you could go back in time and change things
with any of your ex's, would you do it?::
~ cguro. oo nman
-Do you believe that you are a good girlfriend?:
~ im the best
-Have you dated people who were not good for
you?:
~ yup..
.
-Have you been in an abusive relationship?:
~ hindi, emotionally cgurop pero its my fault. ako ang abusive
-Have you dated someone older then you?:
~ sarap nun. hehehe oo nman
-Younger?
~ mas masarap yun. heheh
-Do you believe everyone deserves a second
chance?:
~ lagi, heheh
-Believe in love at first sight?:
~ .hehehhe. lagi kc marami nalolove at first sight sakin pero pag second nasusuka na
-Ever dated 2 people at once? ~ nung highschool
-Ever been given an Engagement ring?:
~ wla, ano yata bracelet o hikaw di ko na matandaan
-Do you want to get married?:
~ siempre, bukas
-Do you have something to say to any of your
exes?:
~ patikim nman
-Ever stolen someone's boyfriend?
~ yes, pero binabalik ko nman
-Ever liked someone's boyfriend
~ lahat ng me bf. gus2 ko
Ngayon na malakas na ulit ang loob ko na pumansin ng iba kc nman it's been long overdue na. pilit ko kasing iniisip na meron pa pagasa pero now na CONFIRMED ang kinakatakutan ko eh di MOVE ON and FIND SOMEONE NEW na ang drama ko. so nung una masaya dahil madami akong angels na umaaligid. tpos process of elimination eh nakatagpo ako nang WORTH my chembular. kc naman nung una suplado effect ang loko pero now unti unti na kaming nagiging close. so close na pati faces nmin malapit ng magkadikit. and to top it all up, interesado sha sakin, daming tanong, daming topics tpos he's always holding on sa mga words ko. he's so comfortable with me and he always wants me to be beside him. so eto na make a move nako to bring us to another level. ang siste. I'M A NEWLY WED. LAGPAK na nman ako sa semento.
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.
SALAMAT HANNAH
It's not what you think. I'm still a virgin and still single (SUYA) The thing that i wanted and needed has finally happened. The closure that i dreaded before has been dealt with.I have moved on months ago but with this closure. the chapter has been officially closed. Though in my heart this closure would open new possibilities. I'm anticipating for a sequel now though i know this would just make me hope that the future will be better. but my mind's telling me i had enough of the fake love and the blinding frienship. So i have to accept that the friendship is just a friendship and that's it.
What a way to start, I've finally decided to shed off my innocence and start trying to be a little bit naughty. well i consider that having fun and being more carefree about my image as a whole. well perhaps my image isnt that good to start with because admit it in this lifetime i would always be seen as a person who is promiscuous and libido driven creature. Well if i was like that then i should stop crying for cold nights and nostalgic moments. So goodbye depressive nights and good riddance innocent image. i finally realized that the thing that's keeping me from enjoying life is my idea that i should only be with one person that deserve my full attention. well that idea is for kids. not for a 600 years old semi virgin like me.
Me nag promise sakin na magdadala sila ng SLUMBOOK para masulatan namin, eh wla parin so eto nlang pagaksayahan ko ng panahon, DAMI KC D2 English ng english, parang mga GAGO>
1.name/s? CLIO, pede din CHLOE pede din boyet o kaya christopher, bwahahaha putang pusa ng kapit bahay!
2.how many bottles of beer can u drink? di ako nag bobote eh, glass ako, chotchall ako eh, mga 2 case pag nsa mood.
3.u smoke? dati oo, tpos tumigil ako tpos ngayon minsan nlang
4.how many sticks on the average /day? minsan lang 2, kaya mga 4 araw araw
5.have u ever been really drunk? yes, mamaya ulit
6.have u ever been in love? lagi, pag meron kausap na lalake, khit nga kasabay ko lang naiinlove nko.
7.what do u do when ur in love? nagiisip ng dahilan para magaway kami
8.how long was your longest relationship? 5 years. korni nga eh
9.do u have a bf right now? meron yata, pero wla na sha eh restday.
10.do u eat isaw? yes. pero tagal ko na hindi nakakakainin nun, bukas cguro balitaan kita
11.have you tried sarsi mixed with raw egg yolk? oo tpos binuga ko sa mukha ng kapatid ko, SARAP
12.what would u do if ur bf is having an affair? magtetext sa 2366
13.does virginity matter? Yeno. gago pla eto eh. lam nman na virgin pko, gus2 ko na nga matanggal 2.
14.What do you think of kissing in public? Tira lang ng tira! para makarami
15.last time u read a book? nung college ako, nga 5 yrs ago
16.beauty or brains? donut masarap
17.who's the most competent among our presidential candidates? si mang caloy
18.our vice presidentiables? wla ako maiisip pero iboboto ko c tikboy
19.juice or softdrinks? alak.
20.when it comes to relationships, tira lang ng tira, para makarami,
annoying or odd with the opposite sex? ???? san galing to?
21.what's nice? ewan, bastos daw ako eh
22.tv or radio? mayaman kmi so sterio. yung FM/AM na mukhang ipod. bwahaha
23.have u ever been on a fight when u were in high school? nung elementary lang, dahil sa watusi
24.are u impatient? wala ako sakit.
25.when u lose something, do u turn a room upside down to get it? mayaman ako so bili ng bago.
26.when it comes to mingling and dating are u choosy? siempre pero pag iba na pakiramdam mo, pikit ka nlang
27.have you tried eating dog meat? nung toddler pako, pero maanghang eh so hindi na2loy,
28.at least 5 of the nicest people that u know? ulol, wlang taong nice, maganda lang
29. people who always give u a sound advice? meron try mo, twag ka sa 911-1111
30.do u have a journal? wala. kc wala ako ballpen eh, khit nga pencil wala ako.
31.have u had a piggy bank when u were a kid? No but I know someone who looked like a piggy bank when she was a kid.
32.when was the last time u broke a glass? ewan ko, basta alam ko face ko broken ng glass
33.can you do other things while eating? oo, kaya ko magswimming ng meron plato at kutsara.
34.when you started working, what did you do when you got paid? i did sexual favor dun sa nagbigay
35.a perfect date (place)? sa estero ng pandacan, para mukhang mga asong ulol lang na naghahanap ng makakain
36.a genie would grant u three wishes, anything that u want, what would be ur third wish? sana malapit lang bahay nmin sa enchanted,
37.salt or fishsauce? Pera na lang
38.last person that made u laugh? myself and me.
39.are you a coffee addict? Addict! addict!
40.ice cream or chocolates? spaghetti wit meatballs.
Sabi sakin ni GINA, Ang lalake gulo lang yan, sisirain lang ang nananahimik mong buhay. Well masasabi ko lang. I want chaos, i want a turbulent life, kc nman all my life i was so pampered and cared of inside my own little box, a lame excuse of a life. HEHEHE tsaka nuknuk nman, siempre hindi ako mabubuhay ng walang lalake. Pero kc the last time na meron akong career, mejo nawindang nga ng tuluyan ang buhay ko at halos hindi ako makapagsaya. Kaya naisip ko, Sayang ang panahon sa pagaantay dun sa taong nangako sakin pero hindi nman ready. so habang abala pa sha figuring how he really feels for me. eh di mag enjoy muna sa mga boylet na hindi nga ako mahal pero lagi namang nandun para pasayahin ako (at paligayahin, SARAP!)
Deep in me, alam ko na hindi ko pa sha kayang ipagpalit khit kanino, pero dpat nga hindi ko isipin na exclusive kami. He's enjoying someone else's company and i should enjoy the company of others too. I am single and i am fabulous. I can go out with anyone i want and not worry about commitments or fidelity. And what was i thinking, There are so many men out there, some of them interested with me, hindi nga lang kasing pure ang intentions sakin pero still they are interested, nasa sakin na nman yun if i'll let them take advantage of me. pero if they do, so what. DIBA ngq gus2 ko ng chaos and turbelence. so at least hindi lang dahil sa isang tao ako magiging chaotiic at turbulent. MADAMI SILA. (SARAP~)
Expected sa isang empleyado ng call center ang magaling mag english at maganda ang accent. pero bkit ako parang wala lang, hindi nman ako carabao english pero hindi ko pa rin feel yung mga accent churva ng isang call center agent. naalala ko nung madaling araw pako nagtratrabaho, nagkaron ako ng caller na matandang lalake, nagtatanong about sa doggy steps. eh hindi pako masyado sanay so sabi ko "ill put u on hold" aba kala nia cguro hindi ko naririnig, sabihin ba sa kasama sa bahay, "MUST BE INDIAN". ngo ngo.
pero minsan nman meron nga customer na sabi buti nlang ako nakausap nila kc tumawag na cila b4 pero di nila maintindihan ang accent nung nakausap nila. buti daw sakin clear and neutralized. pero meron din nman na barubal na customer. sabihin ba nman na i dont wanna descriminate you, but i wanna talk to sum1 who speaks english. aba di tinarayan ko, sabi ko im speaking in english. you can understand me, i can understand you. WE CAN TALK. eh binagsakan ako so wlang nanyari, heheh.
Tpos meron ako nakausap na lalake, taga saan daw ako, kc kala nia galing ako west indies. so google tyo kung saan ng west indies, carribean pla. so iguana accent pla ako.
Ang huli na nagcomment sakin, babae, meron daw sha officemate na kapareho ko magsalita, so tanong ako, anong nationality nun?.
"PERSIAN". Pussing pussy ang dating ko sa phone
| You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy |
Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know. From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up. And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide. |
waaaaah! no comment! dami ko lalake
| You Are Most Like Carrie! |
 But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated. |
Cge hanggang pagsusulat nlang ako, bkit parang iba yung result?
| You Are A Professional Girlfriend! |
Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro. If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you. You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy. |
Bakit wala gus2 maging GF ako! bwahaha kc di ako girl, hahaha
| You Are Jennifer Aniston |
You're low key and naturally sexy. Sweet and approachable, people are attracted to your upbeat attitude. And even when life doesn't go your way, you always eventually turn things around. |
I've recovered! hehehe, though i still want closure pero di pako ready for that. yesterday we had the chance to talk, it was a very small talk but it made an impact on me and my decision to stay away from him. now more that ever im on the right tract, marami paring questions lalo na nung sinabi nya na "everythings the same, nothing has changed and i'm tired of it." pero at least im no longer longing for him. i miss him pero minsan minsan na lang pumasok sa isip ko yun. i know in my mind that given a chance i would still choose him over some other guys but at least not ending up with him doesnt hurt anymore. i still care but that's just for ol' time sake nlang. i dont know how to face him pero sooner or later i need to. but that's another entry na. hehehe. im ok na ngayon kc im no longer focused on 1 person, someone's making ma happy and all the time na magkasama kmi eh masaya talaga ako, khit na lagi kaming nagaaway pero ok lang kc ganun kami maglambingan, i fondly call him my playmate kc minsan naghahabulan kmi at harutan kmi ng harutan. kahit na mejo sa sobrang kulitan nmin nagkakainisan na kmi pareho, pikon kc sha. bwahahaha. pero after nman as if walang nagyari. merong pang moment na sabi nia sakin dapat daw isa lang ang makulit, the other one should be understanding, with matching give and take daw dapat, sagot tuloy yung kasama namin na "relasyon effect". well basta watever will be will be. pero he's not the only one on my list, meron pa akong schedule na ka date pero matagal pa yun. november 13 and 16. I intend to make him my bf pero kung hindi ok lang, basta turuan nia lang ako about sa mga bagay na hindi ko pa nararanasan. hehehe. anyway as of now, masasabi ko lang! CAREBEARS
All my life ang gus2 kong sakyan eh jeep. dahil sa bus nahihilo ako, sa tricycle natatagtag ako, sa taxi, namamahalan ako and di ko gus2 ang car freshener nila. So true blue jeepney rider ako. ewan ko ba, natutuwa kc akong makita ang mga nakakasabay ko sa jeep eh, well buti nlang eh hindi pa nman ako nakakaranas ng masamang bagay sa jeepney experience ko, hindi pako nahoholdap, naisisnatchan o nasasagasaan ng jeep. so eto ang mga eksena na hindi ko malimutan:
Everyone knows i recently went through an emotional turbulence. of course like any person like me, para madaling makarecover eh ibaling ang pagtingin sa iba, pero putcha baling na baling na pagtingin to! hehehe umpisahan ntin sa isa kong crush, hindi ko inisip na magiging crush ko sha dahil minsan lang nman kami mag usap at hindi pa nga kmi close eh, but one day, our eyes met and locked with intense emotion kaya ayun, lagi ko ng gus2 shang nakikita. tpos pag magkasama kmi,wala kaming ginawa kungdi mag tawanan, he's so workaholic ang passionate sa trabaho, he SEES to it na lahat MAAYOS At DIRETSO. basta gus2 ko sha! period, pero lam ko nman na hindi pede dahil sa IBA SHA NAKATINGIN.
SALAMAT SA MALIKOT NA IMAHINASYON NI GINA~
akalain mo yun, because of my blog eh meron matanda na malapit ng atakihin sa puso sa galit sakin. I dont know him and i dont care how much he hates me. kakatuwa lang kc i can stir emotional hatred pla sa blog. bwahaha for your reference here is the guys who hates my kalandian
Nahihilo nko, paikot ikot nlang, siempre kaylangan poised parin pero deep inside malapit nko masuka sa walang hanggang emotional ride na2. KUYA! hindi po ride all you can and ticket ko. i cannot go on forever.
Anyway e2 kc ang nangyari, siempre diba luka luka ako at super feeling (pero hindi super hero) so madalas ako magdemand at gus2 ko exclusive lang ang time and attention sakin. of course hindi nman dapat ganun, sabi nga sakin nung me asawa eh "BKIT KAYO BA?". Tama hindi nman kami so dpat hindi ako magselos, dapt hindi ako masyadong maging demanding. meron nga nman shang right na gawin kung ano gus2 niang gawin at samahan kung sino gus2 nia samahan. pero kc nman bkit yung taong kinaiinisan ko pa lagi nia kasama. well sabi nia wala nman sha pakialam kong sino sumasama sa kanya. he said that its me na lagi sha masaya pag kasama, pero bkit ganun, mas madalas pa sila magkasama kesa samin. He said i always misinterpret him. cguro nga kc naman why cant he just be straight! kung ano ano pang ligoy ligoy. leche nman tong luka lukang puso ko, ang hilig sumakay sa kung ano ano.
Hay salamat! the blogging queens are here ulit.. hehehe. pansinin natin na ang mga nagboblog khit mejo psychotic silang tignan eh balanse parin ang takbo ng utak nila. Im so glad that CHAQINEZZ is back. im so glad na ur enjoying ur stay jan sa bago mong galaxy. well knowing u. im sure ur gonna make evrybit of moment there a fun one. lam mo ba naiyak ako nang nabasa ko yang bago mong entry. its like im finally back home. para akong gaga d2 na nagsesenti hehehe. anyway im looking forward sa mga updates. hehehe GINA> wag ka tamad ipasok mo na yung mga entries mo, napupuno na ang outlook sa dami ng entries mo!
Si Gina at ako, mga babaeng kinakarir ang pagboblog. Meron akong entry dito before na ksama nmin c CHAQZ, isa sa mga mahilig magblog, pero dahil sa hectic schedule at maraming guestings, eh mejo wla ng time c CHAQZ magblog sa ngayon. (kakamiss ka CHAQINEZZ)> So Balik tayo sa entry n2, Kahapon, dahil sa pagod eh naisipan ko na balikan ang mga entries ko sa blog. I never thought na matatawa ako sa mga entries ko dun, i didnt expect na yung mga naka sulat dun eh mejo provocative and funny. Basta iba ang dating sakin habang binabasa ko sha, meron pa ngang mga entries dun na minsan di ko na matandaan kung cno cno ang tinutukoy, ang mahalaga eh. i enjoy writing and wa ako care if others dont enjoy the things i write. ang mahalaga, libre ang internet sa work.
This is what i desperately need. REST. Physically and emotionally im drained. Everyone knows what i have gone through. though not every one agrees that i should spend tremendous amount on things that im investing my energy on. SO i promise that next time i have time and energy im gonna enjoy! using my new,,,
Ang buhay minsan parang walang direkyon, minsan walang sense, Minsan kala mo pag mahal mo isang tao, magiging ok ang lahat. sabi nila life becomes clearer and things suddenly have meaning. Nice concept., sana lang applicable sakin. Nung una ok lang ang lahat pero as expected things change. people change. Sana lang katulad ng picture na to, Kahit nsa kawalan eh, parang calm and serene parin.
I said I'm not threatened. Cnabi ko lang yun, kc kala ko dati ako lang ang pinagtutuunan nia ng pansin, ako lang yung binibigyan nia ng importansya. kami lang ang merong MOMENTS. hindi pla. meron plang asungot na puting aswang, although sabi nia nman sakin na wala nmang special treatment dun sa aswang, pero pede nman na while we're not together eh, they are sharing their moments together. pedeng yung mga panahon na hindi kmi magkatxt, sila ang magkatxt, kaya habang para akong gaga na antay ng antay sa txt nia eh, busy pla sia sa pakikipagtxt sa aswang. dala ng pagiging goodnatured person kaya ok sila, pero siempre iba yung feeling nung puting aswang. tpos siempre rin iniisip nia na mabait lang etong gunggong na lalakeng to kaya sha nkikipagclose sakin, Ano kaya ang totoo?. baka nman friendly lang etong gunggong na lalakeng to and namimissinterpret lang nmin. Gus2 kong panghawakang yung cnabi nia na ako lang ang special sa kanya. pero parang mas talo ako kc sabay sila magbreak at kumain at umuwi. tpos lockermate pa sila. And to add insult to injuiry, dati pag uwian diretso uwi na sha, ngayon inaantay na nia yung puting aswang para sabay silang umuwi. SELOS TALAGA AKO!
How do you expect me to forget my feelings for you? Everytime i try to give you space, You ask me to stay. There were days when you would treat me as if i dont exist, but when you're back to your senses you make me feel like im your whole world. You dont want me to spend on you. you'd rather not eat so you could just give me your food. I dont get it when u said that you only had 20 left on your pocket but u wanted to give that to me coz i dont have enough fare to get home. i dont get it when you dont text me but when you do, it's full of sweet and nice things. I even saved them all on my phone. I dont get it when you dont wanna look at me specially if i talk about my past but when you do look at me, You stare as if you're memorizing my face. I still remeber when you were so sleepy, you gazed at me before you closed your eyes as if you wanted my face to be the last image you see. i still remember when we we're pretending to be taking our pictures using my mirror, you always wanted my face to be close to yours. You insisted in giving your umbrella to me whenever i forgot mine. You treat me as if i am your girlfriend but it's like a seasonal girlfriend, You love me but you're scared of that love. You're so pious and im not. You said it's not a dilemma, but we both know that it is.
I have been warned that my personality is restless and that if i dont get what i want, i move on to a new challenge and pursue it. And his personality is the calm one, The one who sits awhile, wait untill everything is perfect before making a move. Well! talk about clash of personalities. Recently i have realized that the pain i am feeling is caused by my own faults while he is hurting because of the pressure i'm putting on him. Let's say im being unfair to me and to him.
So with all the sanity left on me, i have decided to, with a very big heart resist my feelings. I'm calling it the sacrifice of my life. Im doing this so i can bring back tranquility on his life. He has told me that he cant sleep at night, that he dreams about our thing, and it's always on his mind. it was a good thing at first but now that it's bothering him, its about time to remove the cause of his misery.
I want him to have PEACE and i want my SLEEPY BABY to have a good night's rest.
This is not GOODBYE, This is just a GOODNIGHT~
Thanks to CHAQZ 4 the pic!
Foolish heart. and foolish me for thinking this is it, my long wait is over and i finally found somebody to be warm with. Oh! how foolish i feel right at this moment. Any minute now my baby will arrive and all the things i have prepared to say to him are all washing down the drain. My nerves are uneasy, my breathing has become to deep and all i can do is have big sighs. Last week i was so inlove with him and was dead straight in thinking that he is in love with me. now i am still inlove with him but i'm starting to doubt about his feelings for me, though he has not treated me differently, but i have noticed that he has become more distant and cold towards me. i hate this feeling i have, these doubts and fears that is bringin me down and i hate my self for being to foolish to let it go as far as it has gone, but still i dont hate him. i cant hate him. i can only love and hope and wish. or maybe perhaps grow tired of waitinG, hoping and loving and eventually be free of this foolishness and just be FREE.
I HOPE SOMEDAY I CAN CHOOSE ME AND NOT THE PERSON WHOM I THOUGHT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY.
I thought i got it all figured out, They we're right. It's not as easy as 123. It all started with my wanting to see PORKY's angelic face. Then that wanting grew to desire to be with him all the time. Yes, I've realized i have fallen in love with him and i think he is fond of me. He takes care of me, I'm the only one who he sings to, Im the only one that he wants to be beside him always, He misses me when where not together. he doesnt want me to be sad and he wants me to be always happy and smiling. So what am i complaining about? He's playing it safe, i know i'm important to him but he still has a lot of reservations. I know about his insecurities and he was so happy when i reassured him in my ways and in my words that He's the only one i want. but still he's reserved, not giving it all and not willing to open up. I sometimes wanna threaten him of giving him up and moving on wishing he make a move, but i'm afraid that he might take it into a rejection and slip away. He loved someone before and it took awhile and me for him to forget about her and to move on. NOw that he has moved on, he said that if ever he'll love again, it's gonna be me. He has the feeling, he has the emotion and he has the desire. What he doesnt have is the willingness to make a move on all of those.
"I love him and he loves me. He just cant reassure me that he does"
Well i love him, and i'm willing to wait untill he's ready, but i can only wait for so long! i'm afraid that i'm slowly slipping away and with all this changes going on all around us, I dont think i can stay feeling this way about him.
I admit i'm inlove. pero katulad nga ng sinabi sakin, "Wag mong hayaan mag function ka, driven by your emotion" Lagi kc pag inlove ako, di ko ginagamit utak ko and mostly lagi akoung volatile and rushing. Recently bigla akong naging psycho kaya bigla nabaliw din sakin ang BABY ko (hindi pa kami pero gus2 kong tawagin shang BABY) > To let you in sa mga kagagahan ko, nagalit ako and i bombarded him with emails na puro kadramahan. hehehe. Buti nlang medjo mahaba pa pasensha nia kaya ok na kmi ngayon, pero i really learned my lesson kaya ayun kahit puputok na ako eh grace under pressure parin, pero honestly ang hirap nito. gabi gabi na nga lang yata eh umiiyak ako, (dahil kc ang tagal nia gumawa ng move eh) heheeh basta restless lang ako. PERO gagawin ko lahat para maging,,,
A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN
Sabi nga ni PARK, "hindi natin hawak ang isip ng ibang tao" OK, so me karapatan sila na gawin kung ano ang gusto nilang gawin, isipin kung ano ang gusto nilang isipin at paniwalaan ang gusto nilang paniwalaan, PERSONALAN na ba ito?, hehehehe hindi nman cguro. Kc bka magkagulo pa eh masuntok pako, mabungi pa ngipin ko, Eto nlang siguro, Magpakasaya ka jan sa ginagawa mo and i wish you all the best, kakantahan pa kita,
"SMILE, though your heart is aching, SMILE, eventhough its breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, You'll get by,,,
IF YOU SMILE"
Spam is SPAM, According to WIKIPEDIA it is unsolicited or undesired bulk electronic messages. hehehe so ano ngayon. Generally yung ang sentimiento ng mga tao d2 ngayon, Eh ano ngayon, bkit kaba nakikialam (sabi nga ng famous na taga morning). Ano nga ba ang balita ngayon? Specially sa morning? hehehe where is the white elephant on the table? hehehe ewan ko,wla nman akong pakialam eh, bkit nga ba wla akong pakialam, cguro kc its a waste of time para pagtuunan ko ng pansin ang insecurities ng ibang tao, cguro pagod nko na umintindi sa kanilang pagiging childish at cguro kc immune nko sa kadramahan sa buhay ng mga tao sa paligid ko, EH diba ako ang primadonna, ako ang dpat reyna ang kartehan sa mundo, bkit ang daming umeepal at gumagawa ng eksena? CNO BA ANG BADING D2, hehehe malamang hindi ako, hehehe pero kidding aside what happened was very sad, pero siempre let's blame it to the more obvious sinner here. lets blame it sa mga taong ang image eh wlang ginawang mabuti at hindi mapagkakatiwalaan. Lets blame it sa HOMOSEXUALS, seimpre yan ang sinister backbiter on this world. HAHAHA as if, at ano itong issue na may pinakain at may kumain, or lets say pinalamon, bwahahaha cge na nga pinalamon na nga kung pinalamon, ginamit na kung ginamit, AYUN hanggang dun nlang yun kc siempre pag galit ang nagsusulat iisa lang ang peripheral view nia, kaya bkit kaylangan pag pagtuunan ng pansin yun, hayaan mo shang maglabas ng sama ng loob, karapatan nia yun. dont take it personally sabi nga nila, basta ako magpaparty ulit at wla akong sisisihin kong meron ako kakalantariin. bwahaahaha PEACE TO ALL<>
Dumating nako sa point na sinabi ko sa sarili ko na sisimulan ko ng putulin kung ano man ang nararamdaman ko para sa isang taong nakilala ko. Nung una kasi ok lang, kaya ko pang ihandle ang sitwasyon pero ngayon unti unti nakong naiinlove sa kanya. kala ko infatuation lang pero iba na pla. ITS NOT RIGHT, kahit na lagi kong jinajustify ang nararamdaman at ginagawa ko pero hindi tlaga pede. Its no longer healthy for the two of us. Its no longer healthy for me specially. GAGA kc ako eh, NUng una sa iba kc ako nakafocus at para sakin sha lang ang laging nanjan. NOw sha na lagi kong gustong makasama, sha na iniisip ko at sha na ang mahalaga sakin. I really think i have fallen inlove with this simple but extraordinary guy. Kakainis kc sha eh, he's so sweet and considerate. nakakainis kc ako eh masyado ako vulnerable pagdating dun. at nakakainis nito. Kaylangan ko nang magising. Sobrang hirap na desisyon at lalong sobrang hirap na TASK pero kaylangan ko nang simulan ngayon. Lalo pang nakapagpatibay ng desisyon ko eh nung mabasa ko lahat ng sulat ng mahal nia. I learned from those letters how they love each other. how they feel so blessed when they met and when they were engaged. and how lucky they feel that their baby is about to be born on this world. I was hurt when i read that, khit na wla ako karapatan, i was sad when i read that, khit hindi nman dpat. and i was so envious when i read that, dhil hindi ko nararamdaman half of what they have. When i read those letters, narealize ko na wla ng reason to hold on. and that created a big hole on my heart. Isa lang ang mabuting naibulot sakin nung mga letters na yun. IT BROUGH ME BACK TO REALITY! IT BROUGHT ME BACK TO MY SANITY!
Kaninang nsa banyo ako, >ligo hindi poopoo<>OPINIONATED, ginawa niang malaking issue ang hindi nman dpat, kaya lumaki ng lumaki kaya tuloy naapektohan na ang lahat. Isa lang nman ang dahilan ng lahat ng ito, Merong nainlove sa hindi nman na dapat, Siempre magagamit na nman ang excuse na "TAO LANG AKO NA NAINLOVE" marami ang magsasabi na hindi na dapat. hindi talaga pede at isa ako sa mga magsasabi nun, pero sa pagninilay nilay ko, halos ganun na rin nman ang ginagawa ko diba? eto akong dikit ng dikit sa mga wifed men at ang excuse ko, "TAO LANG AKONG NAINLOVE SA TAONG INLOVE NA SA IBA"
Kapag sa iba nakikita, hindi okey, pero pag ako ang gagawa nun, ok lang. excuse parin. alam kong unfair pero ganun talaga. Kaya habang hindi pako natatauhan at nagigising sa katotohanan na hindi talaga pedeng mangyari eh nagpapakasaya muna ako sa mga BOYLET ko, Wala nman mawawala sakin kc hindi nman ako GIRLALU.
I know mukha nakong tigang na tigang. Atat na Atat. minsan disperada na nga eh, pero i Cant help myselp, feeling ko its long overdue na kc. Pano ba naman ilang taon na akong single. i miss cuddling with someone. i miss touching someone and be touched by someone, lalo na ngayon na mas cuddlly ako. so i wanna give my whole body to someone. Kaya cguro ganun nlang ang saya ko at naadik na yata ako sa mga guys na sobrang touchy. tpos ang manyayari pa nian, sobra akong naiinlove sa ganun, khit na nga make believe lang yung mga pantasya ko (clean fantasies lang yun no.) ok na sakin yun.
Pero i know i can only take so much daydreaming. Hahanapin ko pa rin yung real thing. pero it seems I'm looking at the wrong places and at the wrong persons. Cguro ayoko lang magexert ng effort sa iba, so yung mga d2 d2 nlang khit di na pede, eh pinagpipilitan ko pa rin sarili ko.
Gusto ko nito, Gusto kong mafeel na importante ako sa taong mahal ko, gus2 kong maranasan na aalagaan ako, Gusto kong isipin na meron isang taong nagiisip sakin at gus2 akong makasama lagi! HAY NKU! masasabi ko lang
PARANAS NAMAN NIAN~
Bkit ganun??? Nung una ok na lahat. kala ko eh naayos na at cgurado nako. WRONG! Kc eto na, Pagkasama ko yung isa, laging gus2 ko na katabi sha. basta nanjan lang sha masaya nako at pag wala sha jan. sha lang iniisip ko na makasama. PERO pag yung isa nman ang kasama ko. sobrang enjoy ako at lahat ng bagay na paguusapan na nmin. parang pagkasama ko sha hindi natatapos ang oras. Ang magulo nito yung una ang pinapangarap ko na makasama para maging masaya ako pero etong isa ang nakakapagpasaya sakin lagi. PUTCHA kung pede lang sana dalawa sila, pero bkit ko ba pinoproblema yun, eh dapat unahin ko na problemahin eh HINDI TALAGA SILA MAGIGING AKIN!
After getting to know someone. and loving him on that process. I found out that he's married. So what? Big deal, dami ko ng naging crush na merong asawa no, so what's new? Well, the new thing here is that i considered him as a potential boyfriend, unlike yung iba flirt flirt lang, eh ngayon gusto ko akin na talaga, eh wla na eh, meron ng nauna sakin.
Bakit nga ba nahilig ako sa mga me asawa in the first place? Perhaps i consider them to be safe. Safe kc alam ko hindi nila ako papatulan (although meron nang nainlove sakin, buti nlang nalipat sha.) plus the fact na alam ko na hindi ako maiinlove sa kanila (although na inlove nko sa isa, buti nlang nalipat sha. hehehe) kc imagine nga nman bkit mo ipagpapalit ang TAHONG sa tulya. hehehe. pero alam ko nman na deep inside siempre gus2 ko akin lang. (I DONT SHARE!). kaya never talaga ako pede sa me asawa.
So ano na nmang chembular na nanyayari d2, sabi ko nung una iiwasan ko na yung me asawa kc nga nasasaktan ako pag naaalala ko na wla talagang manyayari. shet kc bkit sha naging nice sakin, bkit nia pinaramdam sakin na he cares. sarap cguro nun kung tuloy tuloy na 2. Anyway dhil likas na malandi ako so cge diretso na ntin ang chembular. MALAY MO MASARAPAN SHA SAKIN! BWAHEKHEKHEK...
It all started as a listening session, pero naging close kami and i became bold an started asking about his personal life and started telling him about mine. I even stayed for 5 hrs just to be with him. Pero Something come out of that bold act.i got his number and we started texting each other. kahit na 12am na yun and i needed to get up around 4am ok lang, sha nman ang ka txt ko. and i remember na isa yun sa mga namimiss ko na mangyari. Eventhough were just starting, i cant help but think that perhaps something better might come out of this. Well i really dont mind seeing him as a future boyfriend to be. ANG TANONG???? DOES HE THINK OF ME AS A FUTURE GF TO BE???
Eto na, di ko na mapigilan ang kalandian ko kaya imbes na mabaliw sa pangungulila eh nagiipon ako ngayon ng boylet. pero di naman sila talaga boylet dahil yung iba nga meron ng asawa tpos yung iba mas matanda pa sakin pero di obvious kc mukha nakong trenta. Hindi ko na sasabihin kung cno cno sila dhil mahirap na merong hard evidence (besides alam nio na lahat kung sino sino sila.) nagsimula lahat to nang meron akong nakilala na special guy. nung una naman kc ok lang akong single, pero pinaalala nia kung ano ang feeling na meron special someone, eh ang gago nawala bigla kaya ayun imbes na magmukmok sa isang tabi. isa isa akong naghanap ng alternative. at para di ako masyadong mabaliw, hindi ako ng focus sa isa lang. Eh anong magagawa ko, eh gumaganti sila ng landi sakin. feeling ko nag konti nalang isa sa kanila baka tuluyan kong maging boyfriend, pero siempre praning ako so hindi rin yun magiging seryosong relasyon not unless kung magbabago ang trato nila sakin. pero as of now, nageenjoy lang ako. wla nman anong ginagawang masama. di rin nman ako nababaliw at nalulunod sa pagibig. hindi ko pa nman dinidikit ang DEDE ko sa kanila. so safe pako.! ehehehe ANG SARAP MOOOH!!!!
Recently i had a party. Wla lang, naisip ko lang bigla na, guluhin ang nananahimik nming bahay para magdaos ng party. WRONG MISTAKE! hehehe although i really had a great time. ang problema eto na, dhil nandun si casper, until now eh naaalala ko pa rin sha dun sa bahay nmin. Pag kumakain ako , nakikita ko sha dun sa dining table. pag nakahiga ako, naalala ko shang nakahiga, pag bumababa ako ng hagdan nandun sha nakasunod. sheeet ang sarap ng feeling na nsa likod ko sha. ramdam na ramdam ko ang matangkad at mapayat niang katawan. minsan nga ayaw ko umuwi kc nandun ang presence nia sa bahay, ang pangit pa nito, eto na naman ako nagdadaydream khit alam ko naman na near impossible na naging close kmi ulit. although before, lagi kmi sabay umuwi at lagi kmi naguusap pag wla nang nakakakita samin (SECRET LOVERS?) basta meron nalang event ang nanyari at naalter ang takbo ng buhay buhay nmin. now kc sobrang nahihiya ako na kausapin sha at ano nman pag uusapan nmin if ever, nagtataka lang ako, bkit kaya sha din nahihiya sakin? sa iba nman ok shang nakikipag usap. alam nman nia b4 pa na meron nakong crush sa kanya pero alam nia rin na sobrang harmless ako. kya nga naging ok nman ang paguwi nmin ng sabay. sweet din naman sha b4. ngayon as if we dont know each other. on my end feeling ko kc sobrang nakakahiya pag ako pa unang babati sa kanya. ewan lecheng bruha 2. di ko kc sha matikman kaya di sia mawala sa isip ko eh. (JOKE)
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