Its Christmas

I dont celebrate christmas as normal people do. For me it's just an ordinary day and this holiday season is really different since there are noticeably less decor and less jolly celebrations, maybe people have finally realized how ridiculously expensive it is to splurge during this time of the year, or maybe there isnt really much to spend with. (damn you economic crisis!)

There are people who wishes me MERRY CHRISTMAS and personally, im a little uncomfortable with it since im not a person who greets everyone. When i do, most of the time its just because it is the polite thing to do and my friends may have noticed it since i dont greet them on birthdays or other special days. hehe (im a badass i know)

Let me use what George said to Callie (grey's anatomy) why he didnt say i love you back because basically this is one of the reason why i dont greet. Its not the same but somehow it kinda explains it.

"I didnt say i love you because i dont think it is the right time to say it but it doesnt mean i dont love you or i love you less than what you want from me. You just have to allow me to mean it coz if i said i love you now, i will be saying it because you want me to say it not because i mean it."

but let me clear this. I appreciate people who have greeted me. so thanks guys. >specially to Geisha and Nap<>

Also, allow me to just say this. I know i've said that im agnostic but it bugs me when people send "Merry X-mas" because i feel like Christ is excised out of the actual christmas greeting. X is used to denote an unknown of unnamed variable but everyone knows Christ so just out of respect to the guy, Let's use his name. I am not Catholic and this is not a religious request. maybe this is a religious tolerance request.

Upon, further research, I've found out that the Greek alphabetX called CHI (pronounced as KHI) is also a symbol for Christ (Christ is spelled as Χριστος in greek) and some people even consider X as a symbol for honoring the martyrs and X also represents the cross so i guess my XMAS is ok so disregard my request and send all XMAS greetings you want because i am a change person because i acquired knowledge and im open to change my views, i hope the churches and narrow minded people do the same and be open to the possibility that their reality may not be the same with others.

BTW just added info. The LABARUM. (Seen below) is a christian symbol representing christ and is a combination of the greek letter chi and rho.

Ok i better stop because im becoming a nerd again. hehe. i need to get a life.

CLIOGODDESS BAILOUT

I quit my job last AUG and i finalized my withdrawal from the company on NOV (yes im that lazy) I thought that my final pay would be given to me after three months but last Dec 19th, i went to the company out of whim and i was told that my check (or as my australian friend says CHEQUE) will be available on DEC 23rd. Just in time coz i am really broke. Then i realized there is a long bank holiday because of christmas and new year so i have to endure the holidays eating scraps of cheese and a small loaf of bread.

Oh well. I will be able to cash it in by january and this money will be spend paying bills, so im not in any way afluent.

How come it's taking us too long?

I've been checking out youtube for the longest time to get info and ideas (knowledge gathering) and i particularly love THE VIEW specially when whoopi says her views on issue. One significant point she pointed out "How come it's taking us too long" to accept things that other countries have accepted years ago? And this made me realize. why the hell is it taking everyone to accept things that is right in front of us?

Case in point:

• Very recently, Prop 8 received majority vote in california that bans gay marriage. A highly controversial proposition since they spent $35 million to twist all the facts about the legality of gay marriage and instill fear to those uninformed. Millions that could have alleviated hungry mouths but who cares right?, so long as marriage is between a man and a woman. One propaganda says that once gay marriage is legalize, A priest or church official will be jailed or sued if marriage rights are refused to gay couples. (because under the anti discrimination law, No church can discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation or they can lose tax exemption, penalize or even imprisoned) but upon checking, Church has always been protected from any lawsuits and this is ON THE FIRST AMENDMENT TO THE US CONSTITUTION that says no law will be passed that disrespects established religion, so if they dont believe in homosexuality then it is their prerogative not to recognize same sex marriage.

• 2nd propaganda says that once same sex marriage is allowed. Schools will begin to teach Homosexuality or that this will be discussed in classrooms even on elementary schools which is really absurd since homosexuality is not and never has been taught. Homosexuality is naturally occurring and no homosexual can teach a heterosexual to be attracted to the same sex. Recent US and Australian Studies says that they may have found a genetic source or biological reasons why a person becomes homosexual or transgendered. (US RESEARCH HERE and AUSTRALIAN RESEARCH HERE) Of course children will always be curious and will ask why a man/woman marries another man/woman. Why cant they just say that this is because they love each other and they wanna live together as a lawfully recognized partners?" Wouldnt this be a better answer that foster not only tolerance but acceptance? but no. The archaic and primitive intelligent people think that this will spread homosexuality and life on earth will be condemned and doomed to the bowels of hell.
• The Vatican recently said that they will oppose a french initiated UN proposition that calls all governments worldwide to di-criminalize Homosexuality coz they fear that once this is passed. Homosexuality will be the new trend or way of life and that people, groups, organizations, countries and entire religions will be pressured to accept the sinful ways of homosexuality. The mighty Catholic church who has always been the protector of life is willing to close their eyes to the fact that millions of homosexual persecution is happening all over the world so whose life are we protecting now? if this proposition is passed. The church will not tumble down to its ruins but more lives will be spared from ignorance driven fears.

Some African countries, Iran, Sudan and other countries that follow islamic laws execute accused gays. If homosexuality is a choice, Why would any one choose to be gay just to be executed the next day? People who have experienced discrimination simply wants to have a decent life that is without fear, a life that is equal to the person next to him. The state of Massachusetts and Connecticut legalized same sex marriage. Did their state halt to the ground? BELGIUM, CANADA, NETHERLANDS, NORWAY, SOUTH AFRICA AND SPAIN has same sex marriages and i dont see fires from the sky or the ground opening up to swallow them or the sea rising to take them down. Sweden, Denmark, France, Germany, Hungary, Iceland, United Kingdom has progressive laws that grants equality, why cant we have it too? NEPAL AND CUBA have won the challenge of educating misrepresentation of homosexuality and transgenderism. Why cant we do the same? I know there are more important issues and problems and equality is not a pressing agenda but these countries and states were able to do it. HOW COME IT IS TAKING US THIS LONG?

Im smarter than you give me credit for

I may show off as a dumb stereotypical blonde with superficial goals in life and i may only seem to care about men's validation that im a hot chick who needs attention but i am so much more than that. I may not be as smart and talented as The hell you care or as eloquent as Geisha but i know myself and even with the enormous and overwhelming fears that i have. I have something firm inside me that i know will be steadfast regardless of what fuck up things that may happen.

I recently recieved an email from a guy. He initialy asked me if i am a tranny which is the truth but somehow it still manages to hit a nerve within me so i asked him where did he found my email. He said that he is a friend of my beautiful bestfriend and that he has been wanting to ask her out for a while but cant find the courage to do so. I told him i dont meddle with my friends dating decisions. He obnoxiously told me that i can just say in passing that he wanted to date her so she can be ready when he actually ask her out. This irked me because all my life, people have been trying to be nice to me so that they can make a pass with my pretty friend. (of course, all my friends are pretty since beauty attracts beauty)

DO I FUCKING LOOK LIKE A PIMP?

So i said sorry and told him i wont do it then he said "ok. I've heard that trannys are mean" that's when i lose it so i send him a massage.

Yes, Trannies can be mean to obnoxious guys but since i sense some sort of desparation from you because a confident man wouldnt ask a total stranger just to date someone, I will tell my bestfriend about you and how you seem to be intimidated easily and give her all the details of this wonderful conversation and how it went.

then he sent this reply. "oh so you are her bestfriend. Well you seem to be so smart and i base this observation from the emails you have sent me. Have you had womanizing surgeries? Take care mwuah.

Talk about damage control.

"Dont patronize me, asshole!" but i decided not to justify his email and deleted it right away.

Another man added me to his friends list and i can tell that we've talked before and that i have deleted him from my list the first time we've talked. He started to say how wonderful my pics are and that i seem to be the right kind of girl for him. (talk about being cocky, didnt it ever occur to him that HE MAY NOT THE THE RIGHT KIND GUY FOR ME?) but i let it pass. I reminded him that im a transgendered woman and he immediately said that he is very interested with me and that he had never met anyone like me but nonetheless he is very curious of what may happen between us. All his massages have sexual undertones so i told him that i remember deleting him from my list and he immediately apologized and said that he is new to this and that he doesnt know how to treat a woman like me since he doesnt have prior experience. Word of Advise moron. I am not a special woman who needs extra treatment. If you dont know how to treat a person, regardless what gender or sexuality they have, "YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW TO TREAT SOMEBODY" I started to diss hi off since talking to him is obviously a waste of my time. he then asked why do i have to "attack" him. I explained to him why. I explained to him that the moment he heard "transgendered", he automatically assume that it is ok for him to disrespect me. that somehow my transgenderism is a permit for him to totally lose decency and start being vulgar. He said sorry and that he will keep everything in mind.

I am not prube and i am definitely not pure but i expect more, I definitely deserves some courtesy and deference.

So please. Dont talk to me when you're using your DUMB STICK because condescening words and sweet talk cannot cloak your intentions from me

TAPS IS LOVE

Because i love tapsiboy so much. i decided to do this for him.

TAPS WAS HERE!

Current mood:NAUGHTY NICKY

Think About this

We can end extreme poverty in 20 years

~Angelina Jolie~

I was sleuthing on youtube when i stumbled upon this video diary of Angelina Jolie's trip to kenya with poverty expert Dr. Jeffrey Sachs. (YOUTUBE VIDEO) It is heartbreaking to see such extreme poverty but i never thought that a simple $7 mosquito net have radically reduced the incidence of malaria cases in one of the vilages there. It is really an innovative technique to lace the nets with insecticide that prevents the disease from spreadin but safe enough for people to use it for 5 years. There was also this farm where crops are as malnourished as the farmers but when they taught them proper farm technique, Their production went from 2-6 bags to 40-60 per harvest. (they only needed fertilizer to achieve it, calling on Jocjoc! we need your help!)

For most people. "that is a bad and sad story but what can i do? im just a simple person with problems of my own" but imagine this, We are a population of millions and if all of us think that way, we really wouldnt get anything done, but if all of us think the other way, we are a very powerful force. I remembered this campaign by ONE.ORG.

*For mareng Geisha> i know you cant open youtube, hehehe* The ad basically says that people are dying every minute or every minute another person gets infected with Aids or malaria or TB but there is still hope as more and more people gets informed about this and how they can help. The most compelling thing about this ad for someone as frugal and poor like me "We're not asking for your money. We're asking for you voice"

I am part of this campaign for years now and i tell you that they only send emails to me when there are special issues that they need signatures for so they can send it to UN or G8 or to those who can actually do something about it. So it really wouldnt hurt to sign up here! and i noticed that tags on blog are so effective so please, try to spread this campaign and ask everyone to sign-up.

I am a traveller

I am a young traveller

with my suitcase full of hope.

I am on my journey to a land where i can free

for the world i live in restricts me.

I started my quest with nothing but a wish

wearing nothing but a simple dress

because my family was not ready for me to leave

but i have to be free.

I met a lot of people

who said they will help me

but they only used me

tried to get my suitcase away from me.

Life is tough they say

but i am holding on to my suitcase

even if it means i will be alone

Please dont hurt me,

Please understand me

i just want to find that place im looking for

A place where i can finally put my suitcase to rest.

Current mood:PO-WET-3

There's no place like HOME

A home for me is not a place but an idea of security and peace but the search for that HOME and not having it completely cause more chaos to me than being lost in this world.

I thought i found my home and when things go wrong, i revert back to my home and i always come back to Him. He manages to secure me, calm me down and to enliven me but he also manages to cause me half of the turbulence i have in my life.

It makes me wonder, why does people that we love, impact us the fullest. Parents cause their children unbelievable pain, children gives unbearable agony and partners can crumble even the toughest person with words and actions. but we love them still despite of all that and forgive them easily with just a simple sorry, a simple touch or even just by showing up in front of you.

I wanna find my home cause im tired of daydreaming what my home would be like if im there. i hope you let me in. Let me see what's inside because it's cold and dark where i am at.

i feel sick or maybe it's just in my mind

There have been talltale signs that i am not taking care of myself the way that im supposed to. Three nights i go, i had some pressure in my heart. It was not pain but more of a discomfort or heaviness, There have been instances that i felt this way before so i could have Angina Pectoris (chest pain resulting from lack of oxygen in the heart muscles due to obstruction or spasm of coronary arteries) or i may have Atherosclerosis (hardening of arteries due to plaque.) and then last night i was performing self breast exam and i thought i felt a lump but it was just actually my ribs. (yess i am that skinny)

I could go on with crazy symptoms and diseases i might have, (STD, very unlikely since im celibate. NODULES, only after howling during gimick nights, RAT BITE FEVER, i think i was bitten by a rat, but i didnt have fever and there are only 11 cases of rabies infection from rats all over the world. etc)

Then i remembered HYPOCHONDRIASIS (a condition of excessive preoccupation or worry about having a serious illness) this is categorized under Somatoform Disorders (mental disorder)

I need to have work soon, im getting crazier by the minute, hahaha. Where is MAXICARE when you need one?

On a lighter note. I know im just getting paranoid since im not doing anything for the past 3 months, I mean im happy because im learning alot from reading but im getting rusty since i really hate passive learning. I need some action in life. hehe. Last time i rode a cab, The driver had the scariest red eyes. (the kind you get from not sleeping or from just getting up from sleep or getting drunk or high) and he was staring at me. Oh boy, my mind was racing with crazy thoughts, i actually had to stash my money inside my bra coz i was scared who would hold me up or rape me (personally i dont mind him raping me, bwahaha) and it didnt help when he suddenly turned to this unlighted street besides PACO PARK>old cemetery during spanish era turned into a park<>

KAKIKAYAN (>tag<)

tagged by ifoundme tse!

i dont care about products, mostly coz i dont have money to buy them but im gonna do this narin.

HAIR: Clear shampoo is the best specially the orange one (if its not orange forgive me i might be color blind) if clear is not available, try head & shoulders the yellow one. Dont use other shampoos since they have harsh ingredients. I dont use conditioner (im bad i know) although sometimes i dont wash my hair because natural oil is still the best for my hair.

FACE: Acne soap or kojic soap from my derma to clean it. i use tinted sunblock from my derma as my foundation, black eyeliner, foreign glittery cake for my eyelids, unknown lipstick as my blush color and nivea cherry lips for my smoochers.

MOUTH/TEETH: I love close up, they have more mouthwash but i highly recommend HAPPY toothpaste, they dont irritate plus you will be helping disabled workers. LAMOIYAN should be praised.

BODY: Dove soap or ivory soap (the mildest but the best) sunblock with titanium from my derma (yes im radioactive in the morning) skinwhite if im poor and pink johnsons baby lotion if i wanna relax.

FEET: Baby oil or petroleum jelly which i also used to put on my lips before goin to bed.

PUBLIC IMAGE

Human personality is complex, PERSONA is an italian word that is derived from latin meaning "MASK" and i learned in psych class that everyone has a collection of masks they used in different situations. Of course there would be FAVORITE MASK and this particular one is what people want others to recognize them with. I for one have multiple masks that i use and this is evident when im talking with my DAD, Whenever he is around, my voice changes into this small, child-like tone, a needing, helpless, shy little child that tries to sound uninterested with his presence. When im with my kindred friend, i assume the role of the one with life experience that has wisdom and vulnerability to share. Sometimes im the lost little girl without a clue about life when im with someone who seems to know everything and most of the time, im the one uninterested with anything when intimidated or bored. when im flirting, im this sexually confident woman which is ironic because i am really prude.

People tend to judge others depending on the mask they have and sometimes these people are so convinced that their assumptions are correct. For someone with a weak personality, public perception becomes their reality and they lose who they really are. I recently invited my cute friend out for a night. I was with a friend and i kinda said i want her to meet him in passing but she heard that im gonna hook them up and she made an all night litany on how she is soo pretty to have all boys wanting her. (stop stating the obvious coz it hurts my ear.) When my new guy friend arrived, i can say my girlfriends was smitten but after the casual hellos. attention was all mine since im the only one he knows and this was considered a rejection from him and my girlfriends concluded that he must be gay and this went on until the next day. My friend actually liked my girl but he is such a nice gentleman who doesnt flirt on the first meeting. He has one of the greatest values i've seen in a man and this made him gay in my girls' eyes since he didnt jump into urges. i am actually pissed because a good mannered guy who treats women differently is trashed talked because over inflated egos were bruised.

The tale of the missing Phone

Exactly 2 weeks ago, i lost my phone. The last time i saw it was friday night, when i invited my new friends over for a night of beer. After i had my dose, i walked them out and went straight to my room but i explicitly remember seeing my phone in the living room. 12 hrs had passed when i decided to look for my phone to charge it but the cleaning lady had already been through the living room and she didnt see my phone there. I asked everyone but no one saw it.

I lost my first phone this way too, I left it in the living room and never found it so i was kinda disheartened to accept that i'll never find my 12 thousand phone again. Everyone theorized who could have taken it. My grandma thinks its my new friends but i know they didnt take it since i saw it after they have left, I personally thought it was one of the delivery guys because our house is open for them to come in for delivery. My good friend christian said he lost his car keys and a jacket the same way, He thinks a little monster steals and hides them from him ( i love him, christian, hehe)

One night i dreamt of my phone and saw it in my new nephew's crib. The next morning while everyone's in the living room. I decided to check my nephew's crib, On the side of the crib was a big pocket and inside was my niece's lunch box that she doesnt use. Inside was my phone.

I was relieved since i dont have to buy a new one (im broke so i cant really buy new phone) My niece had always been fond of putting things inside bags, That's how she normally plays with stuff. Here's proof:

And her brother has this to say about that.

"ATE MUKHA KANG BASURERA"

Anyhow, if you wanna textme, here's my number: +639162640153

KARMA uses satellite speed.

I hate karma, It doesnt let me enjoy life.

last monday, My ex and i were talking and i have to admit that i still want him despite what happened to us the last time we were together. The talk we had really changed my mood for two days and i was happy. Untill KARMA decided to intervene and disappoint me again. (since 1983)

KARMA

Then again, SO DO I!

Current mood:KARMA, PAK YOU!

CONFUSED???!!!

I've been campaigning about transgender information since i started to learn about it. The gist of that is "Every person born is male or female but they dont necessarily mean that they are masculine or feminine. There can be feminine males or masculine females and to add up to the confusion, they could either be heterosexual (straight) or homosexual" (gay;both can be used to describe homosexual males and homosexual females a.k.a lesbians)

Case in point:

My ex boyfriend intimated with me his recent relationship woe. He is bisexual man and he met a guy online whom he thought could be a great boyfriend. This "GUY" is a transgendered man who was born a woman (Pronoun HE is used since he is considered a man.) My ex was really starting to like him untill he found out that this GUY is actually in a relationship with another man and that's when my ex realized that most men regardless which chromosome they have, have the tendency to fool around and be unfaithful. This is what he can say about this:

"I've had it with men, They could really be pigs at times. Now im off to try my luck with girls"

Lucky guy to have the best of both worlds, haha. Anyway i told GEISHAabout this and my good friend eloquently summarized everything.

Anu ba yan! Babae sha na naging tomboy na naging BAKLA, ewan?~

GEISHA IS GEISHA! simply INCOMPARABLE! BWAHAHA

DEMENTED

DEMENTIA: Deterioration of intellectual faculties, such as memory, concentration, and judgment and good example of dementia is Alzheimer's Disease.

I think i have an early onset of dementia because i've been doin things a little bit demented.

Yesterday, i wanted to heat water so i took my kettle, poured in some water and heat it up, and spend the next 40 seconds looking for the lid of the kettle. Granny was laughing so hard she almost peed on the floor because i cant remember where i put it.

This morning, i wanted coffee so i made one, then i went inside my room with the coffee jar, coffee creamer and sugar and not my coffee. this time granny wasnt able to hold it. she laughed so hard she had to change clothes.

also, i had to read a script for my voice coach, (yes im taking singing/voice lessons to be a singer) it says "Good afternoon, You're balance is $30" and for some unknown reason, i said "Good afternoon, You're balance is THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS" and then my very goodlooking new friend looked at me and asked me if my script was different, i just told him, "well im rich and i feel generous so i gave him more" just to excuse myself from a very embarrassing situation.

I think i have MAD COW DISEASE coz my brain is degenerating.

but then again i look like a monkey so i have to look for another reason.

UN-learn, RE-learn and just LEARN

I was supposed to come in by 9am but the previous night, dad was snoring loudly that i wasnt able to sleep so i decided to leave the house early and since im not a real citizen, the traffic volume overwhelmed me and now i know that hailing a cab is impossible. 8:50 am and i was still 3 blocks away so i called in to say im running a bit late. Woman from recruitment said its ok since i can always get the 11am schedule. (oh boy! have i known, i should have taken the bus instead, hehe) after 20 mins of interview, i passed and was asked to return by 12:30pm for my training schedule. I thought it wouldnt take long so i decided to wait for it and then have lunch. (plus i met this really goodlookin guy so i flirted a bit) 12:30 came and was told that if we wanted, we can start by 3pm. After contemplating and deliberating, we decided to start the same day thinking we still have two hours to prep for the training. Wrong! coz we have to take an english exam that lasted little less than 2 hrs, (sorry stomach.)

Training is from 3pm to 11pm and since i was officially awake for two days, my brain was frozen and i had to un-learn and re-learn my english. (ok. I can admit this much, im not good at it and i sound like a frog)

Things i learned from my vocal coach: (Yes im trying to learn how to sing)

• The answer to "Do you have any more questions?" should be "NO" or to complete it "No, no more questions". Filipinos are so accustomed in answering "NONE" but if we changed the question into "Do you have fever?" we dont answer NONE i dont have fever but NO i dont have fever.(makes sense)
  
• My Trainer asked me something about my previous work but i answered vaguely for confidential reasons. i said "i cant tell", he said i should have said "i cant say" and since i was brain dead for staying awake for 23 hrs, i didnt know the difference between the two. My good friend SPENCER explained that with TELL> you dont know what's goin on and with SAY>you cannot answer at that time or that you can find out shortly. (smart american boy, i wanna marry him now)
• The correct pronunciation of IRREVOCABLE. if you wanna hear it and click the "speaker icons" on online dictionary.

The reason why im reluctant to learn english is because i miss Trojan. He's an eloquent speaker with the most wonderful and mellow voice (well he's american so go figure but then again most american are not as good as him) and learning the way he speak makes me miss him more. (i remember him teaching me how to pronounce FONDLE and those good times are what i miss most)

Anyway, i have to buckle down and get right into the dirty work plus i have to update my wardrobe.

life is really something~

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE LEGAL ~ CONNECTICUT SC

FRIDAY (1o-11-08) CONNECTICUT SUPREME COURT issued a ruling in favor ofSAME-SEX MARRIAGE. This makes Connecticut the third state that allows gay couple to have equal access to marriage behind Massachusetts and California.

Choleng once asked "Why clamor for marriage if living together with your partner is not actually challenged, questioned or objected upon?

For some couple, it is the rights and responsibilities of marriage that they need, The benefits of cohabitation and the stability of having someone through thick and thin as the old adage say, but there are already what we call civil unions or domestic partnerships that legally recognize two people who wants to register as a couple so Why still push for marriage?

I think it is simple. RECOGNITION. Of course there are the perks of having married, like social security benefits, health care, conjugal proprietary and the ability to form a family (kids through adoption) but it all boils down to RECOGNITION.

We strive to work hard, to study hard, to play hard or to fight hard not only because we wanna win but also to be recognized and acknowledged and most importantly we wanna be accepted. If we had to go through all the break-ups and the bad dates just to find that one special person that we wanna be with for the rest of our lives, Wouldnt we want other people to recognize the better half of who we are?

Marriage celebrates the love of two person, it is hard work but it is still a celebration and if righteous groups will not recognize all the struggles of finding someone to share life with, then those people should have their marriage re-examined and they might as well tell us not to be human since it is a fundamental need for anyone to connect with someone.

It is the right of anyone to find love and if they choose to celebrate this love in marriage then no one can and no one should deny that right and if we are really a society of intelligence and sensibility, then we shouldnt have a hard time recognizing that.

On a personal note, When divorce rates are high and everyone gets separated, wouldnt it be nice and inspirational if gay couples can also prove that LOVE is still worth it?

EKSENA SA TINDAHAN

Napag-usapan namin ni CHOLENG ang mga eksena sa tindahan. of cors, laging masasama ang "pabili po ng colgate, yung close up" at ang walang kamatayang "isa nga pong bote ng Owel".

pero me additonal si choleng sa listahan ng mga eksena sa tindahan:

Customer: pabili po ng napkin.

tatay nia: anung size?

eto pa>

Customer: pabili po ng BEN BRAN

Tindero: anu yun?

Customer: yung pung gatas.

pero hindi papahuli ang lola ko:

Customer: pabili po ng katol. yun pong merong GRANDSTAND.

SAN KAPA?

HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME!

i saw you lookin at me, you were there standing, staring straight to my face. You knew that i was there trying to figure out what you want and what you will do.

I was there but you violated me. you took advantage of my trust.

i should have killed you but i said to myself, you dont deserve a punishment because you havent done ME anything wrong.

i gave you mercy but you FOOLED ME~

how dare you play with my innocence and JUST USE ME~

you dont deserve to LIVE.

ALL of your kind is dirty, manipulative low lives that cause pain to people like me.

I HATE YOU~

i didnt hate your kind before but what you did to me

made me HATE YOU.

You used my kindness

and took advantage of me.

I HATE YOU>

YOU AND YOUR KIND DOESNT DESERVE MY SYMPATHY.

i was there eating, then you came, staring at me but after 3 seconds you violated me and stole from me.

I hate you.

rooeelll!!, yang mga alaga mo. peste~

The rebound SAGA

After a break up, Some if not most tries to look for a rebound guy or girl. This is not admirable since this can not be considered as a mature way of coping with a lost love but it feels great as hell to have someone to fallback to. I can justify the rebound relationship if both people involved knows the real score and the real story behind the "FALLBACK Relationship".

But the number one rule on the rebound relationship is "NEVER FALL" for the girl or the guy otherwise be ready for a whole lot of disappointments and hurt, coz this kind of pseudo-relationship cannot provide the demands of a real relationship.

but i did it again.

i broke the rule.

now two of my rebound guys are not available.

oh well,

landi ko kc.

kaylangan dalawa pa~

hehehe

im so pretty~

Recovering from a broken Heart

I was broken hearted and this time it really hurt. Specially when you thought it was real and you thought you did everything just to make sure that things are going exactly according to your plan. But relationships hardly fall into plan since it involves someone else and most of the time, you have no idea what's goin on inside your partner's head.

After learning that my fairytale romance had ended. i denied it, i tried to say to myself its not over and dearly clung to the hope that it's just a bump on the road so no reason to drop it. I was angry but i tried to downplay it.

I struggled to survive and i wanna believe its not over, but it is over. no more denying, no more sugar-coating and no more rationalizing and finally, after admitting the real situation, Pain, hurt, anger and sorrow became bearable. Although im not yet 100% ok, i can say that im ready to move on, of course there are still moments when he crossess my mind and i just stop. Moments where i dont wanna see his picture coz i miss him and it makes me sad to realize what i lost coz i indeed lose a wonderful man that i wanted to be mine.

I loved you, When i met you, i said to myself "This woman could be the right woman for me. Everything i wanted in a woman and you have it". I am truly happy when i am with you and everyday i pray to the god, "please let her be the one for me". i prayed everyday but this is the kind of prayer that god cannot answer. I am sorry! ~ALLY MCBEAL

This is the line from a man who had to let go of a woman he loves simply because he knows she is not the right woman and this made me realize, its over. i know he loved me and he tried very hard to fight for me but he knew the truth. I know people would say he didnt really loved me but for some strange reason i know he did and his mistake doesnt negate the fact that he did.

Its over between us

but it doesnt mean he loved me less.

it only means he didnt love me enough.

IS IT OVER?

IS IT OVER BY JAYA.

I am sorry i havent been around lately, Things got messy and i needed time to think things over but my mind was kinda frantic and my thoughts was just all over the place, making it hard to focus on one emotion.

to give you an idea. here are the list of emotions and feelings that my little heart had to hold in:

Happy, sad, angry, hurt, hopeful, fearful, hurt, confused, angry, betrayed, hurt, alone, angry, hopeless, annoyed, hurt, angry, left-out, insignificant. angry, fool. crazy. hurt and un-important. have i mentioned hurt and angry?

Of course , any one cannot have all these stuff at the same time so i needed recluse.

Question is

am i ready to face the world?

honestly i am not

or

i am not sure.

but how can i find out if im here trying to think if i am ready? so

i have to stand up, dust off and look forward.

wish me luck~

Im not Ready to meet new People

Yeah. i am not. I was home minding my own business when this guy started to talk to me. Infairness he is goodlooking.

SEREF: Hi, This is Seref, I saw your profile in faceBook erk erk.com and i decided i want to know you better, BTW, you looked so good. How are you?

CLIOGODDESS: wow thank you. im doin great you?

SEREF: im good now. thanks.

CLIOGODDESS: ok that's nice.

SEREF: im Seref, blah blah blah, you can check my profile. im from turkey.

CLIOGODDESS: wow. we dont have thanksgiving but i love turkey, although i have to say, chicken is still my favorite.

SEREF: ???

Sorry. alam ko sa ginagawa ko di malayong ma- RUFFA GUTIERREZ ako neto.

BUrn Up and now im Burning.

2 years and 8 months.

That's how long i have been working. I know its not enough time compared to those who have been working 7 decades but for someone who is no longer happy, One second seems like 7 years.

I feel ingrateful for submitting my immediate resignation without proper notice but i had to do it.

I feel ingrateful to my company who gave me everything i needed (except comfortable chair and RAISE)

Most Importantly, I feel Ingrateful to my supervisor, Who was nothing but GOOD TO ME.

There were moments where i was delinquent, rebellious even. But still i was praised.

What i did caused my supervisor lots or trouble, stress, headache and unnecessary work.

I AM SORRY (gloria pahiram)

If i stayed even one more day,

I WILL BE UNGRATEFUL TO MYSELF.

Who has been, for 2 months begging me to stop and listen.

because very minute at work takes a toll on me

Back in the old days. Stress from work dissipates after 2 mins.

Now it stays for 3 days.

I am sorry,

What i did was irresponsible.

But you see.

I have bigger responsibility to myself

And you might not understand

but this is how i do things.

People might not agree.

but

ME AND I ARE ON THE SAME PAGE NOW

AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS TO ME.