The life that was

I remember the previous new year celebration, My mom and i was watching fireworks and i whispered to her that "this might be the last time i'll be celebrating this holiday in the philippines." I said that because i had laid my plans for 2008 and one of them would be to move to a different country but life throws in happy distractions and i enjoyed my stay. My two year friend from the US, came to visit me only to find out that im not the sole reason why he came here and untill now, his careless action still affects me in profound ways. Im partly to blame because he was careful for me not to move the whole universe for him but i did; and also I met wonderful friends who made me postpone my plans.

Now another year has passed. 2009 promises alot of potential and oppurtunity but somehow, im not in any way looking forward to it. i feel exactly the same way a felt towards christmas and new year. "This day too will past but it doesnt mean i couldnt celebrate it with a bang".

So i did, I went out on new year's eve. Everyone was amazed for they havent seen me in centuries and i tell you, i was looking gorgeous, i even made some good-looking drunk twins swoon over me. but of course after the hype of the celebration, im back to my old speck like existence.

maybe this post has some kind of self pitty in it but somehow, I can finally enjoy alone walks with no one but myself and it felt wonderful. No more irrational thoughts that maybe im not good enough that's why im alone. Just a sense of "i am alone coz no one is available and it doesnt mean it's the end of the world that i am."

I occassionally feel lonely but somehow my "checking facebook or yahoo or windows live therapy" is no longer the main point. I even deleted some of my friends just to get rid of the clutter of useless and superficial patronage that envelops this side of my life.

And to Geisha, Honey, Tapsi, Ifoundme, Bombero king and the others, forgive me but im taking a selfish streak right now. I hope you understand, I visit you often but i keep my thoughts to myself rather than leave a comment.

Take care and BE MERRY~