Faxel Lazer treatment

My Dermatologist wanted me to come for a procedure i didnt know was part of my treatment. She said just come in anyway it's free. It was scheduled last friday Feb 11, 2011. I went to the clinic not knowing what will be done to me. Her assistant put topical anesthesia on my face that had acne scars and waited for it to make its magic. 45 mins after later, they ask me to come in thinking it had numbed my face for the procedure. I used to have Laser genesis so i was kinda expecting it will just be the same hot light passing through my face, Boy i was wrong. The laser was like 3 hot needle sewing my face but for the love of beauty i endured everything. After the 30 min procedure. My face was swollen and throbbing but it wasnt red. The laser created small circle white burns kinda like bandage patterns and i find it cute. Doctor gave me a face mask and i went home with it and people were staring at me, thinking i must be sick or worse i may have aids or something. i could see them moving away from me. Hahaha.

I had work that night coz my request not to come to work was denied and i knew it, People would start asking me what happened to my face because at this point, It was all red and little small wounds were visible. I must have said "i had laser treatment " too many time i lost count.

One treatment costs PhP 15000 ($343) and i should have 3 treatments, Luckily for me. Everything was for free. Hahaha. That's what you get for being the model of Fraxel.

Swelling went down 24 hrs from the procedure but small whitehead looking breakouts are still visible. I think those are small fluid filled thingies expected from the micro wounds created by the laser. im using topical antibiotics now to help heal my face and to prevent infections but i had to admit, this healing process itches like a bitch.

ALL FOR THE LOVE OF BEAUTY!

i experienced my first bully

November 11 2009,

WHY THIS HATE?

i've noticed too many harsh and spiteful comments within trans community. bwahahah i mean. i know there are alot of jaded ladies and men out there but cmon, there are lots of people coming here to find solace, comfort or understanding. I just hope we create that kind of community as well. and for those who are thinking of saying that this is not a place to look for that kind of consolation, well its your right to say it so go on, I wont bitch about that bwahahahahha. and for those who hate me for no apparent reason. i know why you hate me now,. coz im rich, im sexy, im smart and i dont need to be a whore to feel wanted! wait i just did it, heheh too much hate~

This was a blog post i had that i should have remembered.

February 4 2011. Present Day

I was being friendly when this guy sent me an email asking me what's the point of being friends if we dont live in the same country. He even gave me an advice that i shouldnt try to be a woman since im ugly as one.

I said thanks for the advice and i tried to move on.

I must admit i really was hurt so i went to my girls to try to get some kind of support. thinking as a woman of trangender experience they would understand. I was wrong coz this woman affirmed his comment saying that as a lady boy, i am sure ugly.

All my life i was raised protected from the harsh realities of life although of course i wasnt spared from the subtle and constant discrimination that people of transgender experience face everyday but i still consider myself as lucky since i have my family and friends to protect, love and understand me. It was my first taste of bullies and i felt the pain. Now i couldnt imagine the life of those people who had to face these bullies on a daily basis. My heart goes out to them.

Now i learned my lesson.

"My being should not depend on how many people think im beautiful coz i should already know that i am!"

IF You doubt that true love exists, Watch this

Maybe you would think that you will never have this kind of love but you have to realize you're alive, That means you're Loved

"I was about to make vows just two months from the accident, Through thick and thin, till death do us part, In sickness and health, for better for worse. What kind of guy would i be if i walked out when she needed me the most?" - Chris Medina

Fairytale is Over!

I woke up and had this dreadful feeling inside me. I knew a terrible heartache is on its way and i was right. My fairytale has ended. My Knight, My Prince decided it's not worth the effort. I dont hate him coz i admire his honesty and braveness. I know its a bit difficult for him as well because deep down inside i know he is a good guy. A guy just like any, who has flaws>

Of course i could never be certain of what were his intentions.

But he made it clear that it's over.

And i would respect that.

i will move on,

I will dream that maybe he would realize that it was wrong to let go of me

and dream that maybe there's a chance for us again.

But i will not hate him or any of his kind.

Because i am a woman. A woman who loved and got hurt.

But as a woman, I will Love again.

I will be brave again.

And as a woman, I will be Happy Again!

They say Love is Patient

But everyone knows im not.

Here's my story with Ponchong:

We met sometime in May of 2008 and we hit it off right away. We sent thousands of emails and chatted almost everyday but the wonders of technology was not enough coz i still miss talking to him. His schedule did not help as well. Just as we were getting closer, something unexpected happened. August of 2008 his emails stopped and i couldnt get a hold of him. His account was deactivated and there was no way for me to find out what happened to him. I thought of the worst possible things and it took me months to accept that that's the end of my dream with him.

2 yrs and 5 months after losing him. We found each other again. He said sorry and explained why he had to leave without a word. Call me silly but i believed him although of course there's still a part of me whose still unable to trust but im willing to ignore it. Now it's January 2011 and Im confused. I know that in life people who have taken risks have had the greatest life story. But am i taking a calculated risk or a foolish kind of risk?

Im agnostic and i dont pray but this time im praying. Praying that he would be truthful when he said that he wont make the same mistake of losing me specially now that he found me again.

How it all started

June 14, 2006 i was still working in the middle of nowhere. i had lots of time in my hands so i started to read blogs of the people i worked with,

Choleng has The Jayna Monologues

Leo had The hell you care now its under I am LeoValle JAPAN

And another inspiration is The Geisha Diaries

Now lets check if their inspiration can stand the test of time.

Its Jan 25, 2011.

Unresonable daw ako???

Look who's being unreasonable??? Kalabisan ba na maglambing ako na ibili mo ng chicken sa wendys tpos egg pie sa bakery sa kanto namin??? Excuse me pero on the way nman yun galing sa 8 hrs shift mo diba? idadaan mo na nga lang sa bahay namin eh?

Now Tell me??

KALABISAN BA YUN HA???

Ikaw nga ibinili ko ng 3 squidballs nung nagugutom ka eh!