Sunday, January 20, 2008

the hardest part is letting go

I needed closure, my baby gave that to me today, he sent me a voice message coz i needed to hear his voice for the last time. i asked him to lie to me and tell me that he has found someone else that makes him happy. We both know that it's not true but for the sake of me moving on, he pretended he found someones else coz i can take it better to know that i lost him because of someone else than to lose him because of depression.

My baby was tormented to say the lies he said, He had to hurt me so i can move on. It's crazy coz i asked him to lie to me because I am tired of crying myself to sleep and waking up empty. he said he found someone but it's not true since he spends most of his time talking me. It's crazy coz the person he's with right now is the character he created. i even have the sketch of how this person looks like. (my baby butchok dreams of becoming a game designer and he has created a game character who now is his allleged lover) I asked him to create this lie so i can move on.

I have a glimpsed of what caused him to isolate himself. My baby was adopted the day he was born, His mom had a crazy life, a renewed user. (one of the possible reason why he has developmental issues). He has an older brother and a younger brother who was adopted by a strange couple. I remember him saying that he's worried since the foster parents of his younger brother are trying to hide their brother from them and i know that they suspect that their little kid brother is not happy with his foster parents.

My baby's so concerned with his brother that he doesnt wanna face the world anymore.

but i dont wanna deal with that anymore. I heard my baby cry as he wants me to move on and leave him. i heard him choke as he asked me to forget about him.

My baby has been alone all his life and that's how he wants to live his life. i cannot force him so i will live him and never look back. But one things for sure, I was the happiest when i was with him.

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My dark prince

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